i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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