I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
