She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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