U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
