so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
