guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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