eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pants are for mortals
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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