it hurts more in the daytime
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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