My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize