Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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