its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
