do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
