i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
