All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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