I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize