I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
