Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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