He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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