Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
