In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
