when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
