Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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