Sry I called you an 8
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
