census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
