i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
