She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
