he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize