I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize