i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
