Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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