my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
