Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
