I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
