Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
