I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So many bounce houses so little time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
