im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
