Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
