none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
