ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
