I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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