so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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