I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
