we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
