if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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