I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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