it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
