i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
