so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
