there's paper in my vomit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
