i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
