why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
