I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
