Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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