Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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