We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
