What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
