Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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