Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We got so high we made milksteak
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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