You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize