Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
