Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
