I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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