Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
