You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm passing your future prison.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
