I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
