What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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