everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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