Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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