I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
