Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
