i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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