Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
