We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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