yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
