if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had sex on a roof
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
