Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize