I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
