I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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