hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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