ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
