Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
