im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The ass gains better be worth it
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