sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
