Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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