hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
