Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
