...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
