He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We named our party play list daddy issues
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
