yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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