I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
