I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
