I didn't shave. On purpose
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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