we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
