i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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