Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
