You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize