why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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