Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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