I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize