my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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