im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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