She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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