He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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