Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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