Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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