we made out on top of his cat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
