Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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