Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
