Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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